Reflections and Fueling the Future
By: Avani Nadkarni, PEPS (Estimated reading time: 5 minutes)
Becoming a new parent is never easy — it can be incredibly taxing physically, mentally, and emotionally. For military families, there are additional layers: one partner could be deployed, they could have to move across states (or countries) with a newborn, or they may not know a single soul in their new communities.
For Ashley Sellers, it was all of the above. Her husband, Antonio, was deployed just a few weeks after their now-18-month-old daughter Penelope was born.
“It was just me in a brand-new state,” she said of the family’s move to Virginia’s Fort Belvoir, about 20 miles south of Washington, D.C. “It was rough. We didn’t get to enjoy being new parents.”
“It’s an additional layer of hardship that a lot of us are not aware of,” explained Polly Jirkovsky, PEPS Partnership Manager. “Constantly being uprooted from their support networks — it’s a true challenge in terms of parenting.”
Sellers, who hails from Pierce County, discovered the PEPS Military Families Affinity Group at Greentrike Children’s Museum on Joint Base Lewis-McChord (JBLM) on a trip to her hometown. She was at Greentrike with her daughter and a friend when a staffer came by and informed her of the group. “I said, ‘Heck yeah, I want to go!” She was immediately enamored.
The Military Families Affinity Groups offer peer support and education resources for parents of children ages 0-12 years old, with many participants bringing their babies, toddlers, and young preschoolers. Unlike a typical PEPS Group, this follows a drop-in format to support current military families navigating deployment, relocations, and varying schedules. They also feature Greentrike staff providing age-appropriate activities for children, so parents can focus on the conversations.
“It was so cool, we were all sitting in a group, somebody else is [babysitting] the kids, and we get to actually talk about what we’re going through and how we feel, and it’s very candid,” Ashley shared. “I love that there were so many different women there. None of us had the same story — we all have a similar set of circumstances that bonded us, but there was so much diversity. It was really refreshing to be around such a diverse group of women and talk about the different ways we parent. Nobody was saying ‘I’m the perfect parent.’”
“I love that there were so many different women there. None of us had the same story – we all have a similar set of circumstances that bonded us, but there was so much diversity.” — Ashley Sellers, PEPS Military Families Affinity Group Participant
The Group Leader, a former PEPS Group participant and current volunteer Group Leader and Board Member Annie Garrett, was particularly skillful at creating a safe space, Sellers said, adding, “I loved Annie.”
Garrett, a Tacoma resident, had no real military ties other than having grandparents who served. But when she moved from Seattle to Pierce County, where military culture has deep roots, she began researching and talking to her neighbors and new friends. In the Military Families Affinity Group sessions she led, she felt like she learned just as much as the parents she was facilitating.
“We had parents from all over the U.S. and international parents — moms from Kenya, South Africa, all over Europe,” she said.
While some of the conversation did revolve around the intricacies of military life — such as the tricky parenting dynamics when spouses return from a long trip — “some weeks military life doesn’t come up at all.”
“These parents are moving a lot, they’re very self-reliant and they become sort of like experts,” she said. “I also learned so much from these parents.”
After all, Sellers said, parenting is a great equalizer.
“It’s hard no matter what,” Sellers said. “There’s no suffering competition.”
The Military Families Affinity Group is years in the making — PEPS has been slowly developing it over the course of several years and, thanks to a grant from the East Seattle Foundation specifically to fund the group, was able to conduct focus groups, gather information via surveys, hold pilot groups and develop specific curriculum. Sellers said there isn’t a similar program at other bases she’s been on, but she now strongly believes there should be.
“There is a need and there’s nothing like that [anywhere else I’ve been],” she said. “We need this kind of connection. The premise of the group is simple. Why isn’t it everywhere?”
Would you or anyone you know benefit from the conversations and camaraderie happening at our Military Families Groups? Reach out to melanier@peps.org for details.
Do you have lived experience as a military family or professional experience supporting families and are interested in helping further develop this program? Learn more about our Advisor and Ambassador Program here.
Are you interested in learning about becoming a Group Leader for these Military Family Affinity Groups? Learn more here.
PEPS In Pierce County
In addition to the Military Families Affinity Groups held at Greentrike at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, there are other groups – both for Newborns (0-5 months) and Baby Peppers (5-12 months) — being held at Greentrike’s Tacoma location and Urban Grace Church, as well. Learn more here or contact registration@peps.org with questions.
About the Author
Avani Nadkarni (she/her) is the Communications & Marketing Manager at PEPS. A Newborn Group alum and former Group Co-Leader, she is a strong advocate of the organization’s mission to connect families to strengthen communities. A former journalist and mom of two elementary-aged children, she is passionate about sharing the PEPS story and help even more families find their village.
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